Catch 22

A Catch 22 situation is one in which no matter which way you follow, there can be an undesired outcome or result. It's like the sigh "damned if I do and damned if I don't"


We definitely have experienced this situation in our lives. Some face it more often than others. Some times they can be quite serious and at other times can be rather hilarious. Take for example our politicians' excuse when they had to indulge...Beri salah, tak beri kalah!


On a lighter note, when children throw a tantrum at the candy store adults are proned to contributing to tooth decay or starting a bad habit by giving in to their fancies. But if mum does not give , the embarassing tantrum scene catches bystanders' attention. Under their breath and their looks conclude Mum doesn't know how to bring up her child.


The boss has a lousy idea and the rests of the staff feel strongly against it. If you tell the boss his idea is terrible you risk embarassing him but if you don't, the rests don't respect you.


When our children grow up to be adults we think we should be friends to them. We try not to talk down to them ( i.e. in psychology terms, a parent to child communication) by telling them what to do. Instead we suggest, we hint, we let them do what they think is right. This is supposedly to gain their confidence and to give them confidence (adult to adult communication). But this risks losing our credibility as a parent who appears not to help out with their problems. Or, they don't get the benefit of learning from our mistakes thus saving precious time. When we talk to them like parents they have the preconceived idea that our opinions are outdated and just don't fancy being told what to do. After all they are already grown up and their friends suggestions should be more uptodate.


When a friend wants to borrow money and explained the 'urgency' for it, we just can't refuse. We worry in case they feel , "if this is the type of friend I have, who needs enemies!" But at the back of our head we wonder if we can ask for the money back or when we ask do we get the round-about response.



There can be numerous examples but suffice to say a Catch 22 situation may seem hopeless or daunting when it happens.



An optimist will advise," give it some thought and give it some time". We usually end up choosing what we think is the lesser of two evils or the less damaging solution or the less risky choice. In fact, the actual outcome may not even be bad anymore after a grace period.



Yes, a Catch 22 may not be a 'catch' after all. We just have to use our creative juice to magnify a good in an apparently bad option.

A Mother's Wish List

A Mother's Wish List :



A mother's wish list on their children can be rather long. But rarely do we see it expressed on paper. The list hibernates in the mind and what we do see or rather, hear is probably the occasional bursts of comments, critiques, advice, naggings and sometimes affirmations or compliments of what should and should not be done. That is how it normally manifests itself. Perhaps a lot of anger, disappointment or anxiety can be avoided by putting them in a list and regard them as a doa. If the doa comes through, alhamdulillah. If not, do not despair just be patient and keep on guiding and advising.

The list:

• Prayers voluntarily done without having to be reminded.



• Greetings of Salaam when entering the house or leaving



• Informing when going out and when will be returning home especially if staying out late



• Having meals at home when informed that food have been cooked



• Helping out in the kitchen either before meals or after meals



• Calling home at least once or twice a week to check on parents' condition as a caring son/daughter



• Drives carefully and updates parents along route and upon arrival at destination when travelling long distance to allay mother's anxiety



• Able to read body language of parents when they are angry, sad, happy, anxious, needing some attention or help



• Pursue religious knowledge to strengthen faith and to learn of obligations to Allah, parents, family and ummah



• Read and understand the quran and hadis because of love of faith



• Have ability and confidence to become imam when parents become jenazah



• Remembers to doa for parents when alive or gone, for Allah's forgiveness after each solat



• Be successful in their education, careers and hobbies



• A tertiary qualification to lay the foundation is definitely in a mother's wish



• Having excellent living skills to manage day to day responsibilities and future



• Nuture own leadership/teamspirit qualities for household and career



• Endeavours to look after health and be sincere to leave whatever is not healthy eg. smoking or overeating because a mother's heart breaks into a thousand pieces when seeing her sick son/daughter



• Have a happy marriage and able to provide sufficiently for own family



• Bring up children to have excellent Islamic and secular knowledge



• Have means to perform hajj when still young



• Not too thrifty when spending for parents and family



• Marry a person who has iman, good akhlak, from good family and have pleasant looks



• Have a spouse who does not publicly belittle or privately gossip about son/daughter and vice versa



• Takes interest in maintaining contact with relatives of parents



• Informs spouse likes and dislikes of parents



• Remembers to touch base with siblings all the time



• Remembers to give zakat and sedekah



• Always be patient when speaking to parents , not even an "aah" (as prescribed in the quran)



• Able to joke and laugh with parents with ease knowing limitations and sensitivities



• Listen to advice from parents with patience, without feeling intimidated or defensive



• Have friends who are sincere and loyal and helps in character-building



• Able to have the courage to abandon 'friends' who are not sincere and a bad influence



• Not shy or scared to have a heart-to-heart communication with parents



• Take care of parents when they are not able to on their own



• Take equal responsibility to look after parents in their old age



• Able to manage estate according to syariah and law
  

It is an open-ended list. This mother tends to get carried away and probably have more thoughts hibernating inside. But the intention of the list is always, always the desire, as custodians,to bring up children who are loved and blessed in this world and the next.

Patience....Sabaar

Patience...Sabaar.




This is a word which is often used in our lives. But do we really know the meaning and can we profess to practise it or ... is it just a better substitute for the words procrastination, ambivalence, sympathy, cowardice, consolation...







We are told to be patient when a calamity or something we do not like befalls us. That is, we should not do anything foolish, do not cry our eyes out, do not say something we will regret, do not be angry at anything and everything, be measured and not rush into our next course of action, do not give up hope, do not regret etc...etc







BE PATIENT!







Submit to Allah. Everything that happens has a reason behind it. It happens, whether good or bad only if Allah wills it. Once it has happened we cannot reverse it. We look ahead. How do we make the next best action. How do we learn from this. How do we help us or others avoid it happening again. Easy to say, hard to do! But as the saying goes ... practice can make perfect.







But being Patient is not only containing our feelings without complaining when something bad befalls us. Patience is also the endeavour to do good things no matter what challenges are ahead of us. Yes, it is sometimes not easy to do good things although the intention is very strong. That is also a test of our patience. Giving up can be much easier.







Patience is also that internal strength to refrain from doing unsavoury or harmful things to yourself or others. It is a test of our patience when we do not give in to temptations.

But the meaning of patience is only known to us. It's in the heart. Not pretending. Otherwise, patience can only be a front or a pretense when procrastinating; not daring to take on the fight for truth but just overwhelmed by cowardice or ambivalence; not being creative enough to help someone in need but merely asking him to be patient. Only we know whether our patience is sincere and genuine.

Indeed, substantial rewards await those who overcome trials on their patience, insyaaAllah.

Small house, big house

Today I visited a kampung in Gombak where a group of young boys and girls live , memorise and study the quran and other religious books as well as learn english, mathematics and living skills. It's a simple double storey main dormitory with pebbled front compound and bushes and fruit trees at the side.


The tranquility of the village and the early morning air gave a calming effect to those of us who had just used the MRR2 and braved city roads to reach the place. The houses around the area are not the typical wooden ones we see in water-colour paintings or when we drive along the Trengganu coastal roads. These houses are half-brick and half wooden and are definitely grounded. They are also not really picturesque. But the occupants make do with what they have and are probably not unhappy with their simple abodes. Who knows?


The sekolah tahfiz is managed by the principal and his wife with 2 or 3 other teachers. The ustadz who is in his 30's has 5 beautiful children. Oldest being 10 and youngest 47 days young! They live in the same building on the ground floor. The children were active and happy. The wife looked happy and chirpy although recovering from chikungya (is this right?). And of course, the husband was calm and watchful, prompting tactful advice although very patient with everyone. Practising what he preached in his classes!


Unfortunately for us the students were on holiday and had either gone home or were with foster parents. So we didn't get to meet them. Most of them are non-paying since they are either orphans or from very poor families.


There are many such orphans or poor students studying the quran around Malaysia. Many don't have state funding and survived on charities/sponsorships or on the hard work of the founding principal / owner of the school.


It's so heartening to see the sheer commitment and optimism of this principal and the wife to impart knowledge especially that which has been inscribed in the quran and by the hadith to the young minds. It did not appear to be a sacrifice at all but rather a passion and goal for this life and an investment for thereafter. We doa that they are successful in their endeavour and that the children will also be model ummah.


Recalling those simple houses, I wonder if the occupants of many of the big, enormous houses we see around the Klang Valley are just as enriched or has a purpose in their lives? Are they happy, are they contented, are their lives fulfilling? The process of building a bungalow with beautiful landscape must be interesting and stimulating and gives a sense of achievement when it's completed. Then what? Sit around in the house and gape at all the beautiful walls, corners and deco feeling fulfilled from overcoming all the challenges and the right choices? Then what? Start another renovation process to stimulate another challenge?

ozone-machine

Just after I started this blog, the door bell rang and an acquaintance or rather my hubby's friend's wife came avisiting. She brought along the Okamizu ozone-maker machine. I've seen the effect before ... nasty smell from my son's futsal shoes disappeared! Hubby brought it home some time back but I have not been formerly introduced to it before. Last night my son tried to use it again to air out his Ipin mascot costume but caused the electricity to trip. So she's coming to replace it.



You know, the whole hype by MLM practisioners who know their products' functions inside out! So today I was due for enlightenment. This machine produces ozone ie O3. It's suppose to freshen up fruits, veges, chickens, meat, fish, FACES and the air. It can also detox the chicken and your body! A sporty young man's rroom won't smell musky anymore. It will smell of wind blowing at the beach or grass after rainfall. Wow.. wee.



MLM practisioners frighten me. They normally make me speechless. Not that they are not telling the truth(not sure about whole truth!) but if I become a sucker for it, my hubby would have a smirk on his face and thinks that I've wasted money on the MLM's saliva. This has happened before. But this time it's different... firstly my hubby bought it and secondly my son can testify that his nose need not crinkle at his well-worn sports shoes or his mascot costume. The smells all gone. As for me , time will tell. If my health gets better and botox is envious... InsyaAllah. Then you should take the cue. !

my first time pecking!

OMG, I have finally started my own blog! Something I wanted to do since I resigned and became a real homemaker. Alhamdulillah. It has been already 6 years though. tsk,tsk, tsk. The plan was to write on topics of interest for career women who had decided to stay home and enjoy a new way of life or smell the roses...after all those years of braving the jams and race in the bank and leaving the children with the maid and rushing out most of the time without breakfasts!

A lot has happened since then.

The original plan of staying home for 1 year became 2 years and ... and....the temptation of doing things I enjoy minus the stress of many bosses and many headaches in the office made it hard to peel away from the house and brave the jams again. Who's complaining? Not me for sure. Maybe the hubby ( the extra income helped a lot), the children..( the presents from travelling overseas on official duty and the easy flow of pocket money).

Since anchoring at home, had a fantastic family driving holiday in New Zealand;valuable opportunity looking after beloved mum; baking lessons and baked, baked, baked; start of spiritual/religious enlightenment classes; experienced the sad passing away of beloved mum; life without a maid(after all those years of perpetual help of maids); Shafiq got married and welcome new daughter-in-law Aina.

Well, more to come. InsyaAllah