My Mom

May 10 is the official Mother's Day. The day is almost over in a couple of hours. But how can a mother be celebrated on 1 day only. Mother's Day is every day. Since we are at it, Father's Day should also be every day. I suppose choosing a particular day just prompts everyone to focus on this day which makes it easier for short-memoried children to remember their moms! And of course during these difficult economic times it'll prompt sons and daughters to help stimulate the economy by buying flowers, chocs or text messages to their moms.



Although I remember my mother and father every day, at least five times a day when I decided to commit myself to the do'a for my parents in my daily prayers, I, like many short-memoried children do not always reminisce the time and sacrifice my mother had to go through to look after us.



Being the youngest, my mother seemed elderly when I was growing up. After all my mother had me when she was about forty. Those days at age forty was definitely not like the 'aunties'/'kakaks' in their forties now. Being number eleven, that means my mother had to go through contractions, delivery at home and confinement for the 11th time. It must have been painful, tiring, risky and burdensome to her. But did she say so or was it manifested in her actions? Definitely not . In fact, my mother was more lenient and more accommodating to me. I can only remember once or twice being given the rotan. Of course that could also mean I was a good girl!



My mother was a very strong-willed person and known to be forthcoming in her opinions in her family. She could only read jawi but always seemed worldly. Many in the kampung look forward to her presence at their house. Her contribution to my education was to make sure I was taken care of in terms of health, hygiene and discipline. Whilst my father sat next to me to teach and to motivate me in my studies.



What I remember most about my mother was her generosity and sense of compassion for those in need of her help. Irrespective of whether the person asking for support was family or a mentality-challenged person who came begging for food or money. She was always fast at taking out money from her purse when needed to, even if the recipient was shy to ask for it. I got used to seeing dishevelled men or women turning up at our windows for alms and to disappear again or just hanging around for a plate of rice and/or twenty cents. Of course credit is due to my father who gave adequate household allowance. My mother knew how much to spend on the household expenses, how much to save, some to help others and some to indulge in a bit of jewellery as a mami penang!



Although we always had a maid or two to help in the house my mother did most of the cooking. Some of the maids were from her kampung and given the job to help them. Once we even had the mother, daughter , mother-in-law (and her son worked at my father's office) working with us ( though not all at the same time ) We even had a slightly handicapped male helper to do light jobs around the house. The house at that time seemed big to accommodate many active people. But a visit to the government quarters much later in life really felt peony compared to then.

I was encouraged and allowed by my father to further my studies overseas at 18 years old. That was more than 33 years ago! At that time there were practically just three of us at home. My father was already not in the best of health. And they knew that when I leave it would be mostly just the both of them at home to fend for themselves. Of course my other siblings would be back from KL if help was needed and relatives were around. But education was of utmost important to both of them. Even if I was the homely type and had never even taken a flight before or gone outstation by myself they would rather see me go and discover the world.

A few years later, before I graduated my father had a stroke and one side of his body was paralysed. My mother had to uproot herself from familiar surroundings and came to live in K.L. This must have been traumatic, but mother patiently and stoically took care of her husband for more that five years before my father passed away. It must have been very lonely to live in the midst of a bustling city but not able to go out on her own. Unlike in Penang where she could just hail the trishaw and be with her sisters and friends.

My mother lived to the ripe old age of 90 when she passed away 2 years ago. I was at her bedside. I am grateful to Allah for giving me the valuable opportunity to look after her (after Allah gave my sister that gift) when she came to live with me for 4 years after I left my job and stayed at home full time. Alhamdulillah. My do'a to Allah for foregiveness if I did not take care of my mother in the best possible way as prescribed by Him. And my do'a to Allah to permit my mother to forgive me for whatever wrongdoings to her by the Day of Judgement. Ameen Rabbul 'lamin.

Pack Your Bags!

Pack your bags!





For those of us who still love travelling, these words would set the adrenalin shooting up! It's not the packing that creates the excitement, but rather the expectations of fun and discovery to come. Packing, to me, is the part the least I look forward to. It can be mundane and yet stressful. Decisions have to be made on whether to bring 3-4 jeans? how many blouses? tudungs to match or just neutral coloured ones? 10 undies ( disposable, too)??? Munchies ? Serunding? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Once we've decided where to go some homework have to be done. The costs, the itinerary , the places to stay and contingent plans if our first plans do not materialise. When travelling on official duty this would be the most important part. The appointments to be made was sometimes a hair-pulling saga because of trying to match venue and travelling time. Cancellations at the last minute were very distressing. But the good part about official duties is the budget for accommodation and transportation expenses is deeper than when travelling on our own! Of course, it's not close even by a mile the fun we have with our loved ones on holiday.



Travelling on holiday especially if not too many unpleasant unexpected things happen puts a big smile on me just thinking about it. The sightseeing, the shopping, the discovering of interesting places , looking for food and souvenirs and taking of pictures, pictures,pictures is so much fun. But the downside is it can burn a big hole in the bank account. So always be conscious of the budget we've committed to. It is a good habit to jot down expenses to tally our debits and to note down our observations for story-telling when we return.


Budgets aside, when we really like something at the bazaar or shops just get it. Forget about looking around first and buying later. You may not find it again and will regret not getting it then.

If we are holidaying in a developed country on a free-and-easy-trip (not with tour agent) eating out can be an expensive affair. In less developed places, food can be unsafe in some outlets. It is a good idea to prepare sandwiches or easy foods to bring along for brunch or lunch. Biscuits and chocolates can give instant energy. Dinner can be home-cooked food or eating out if within budget. While touring, watch out for halal food outlets for meals later. In most countries, Nandos serves halal food. We can check the net for halal food restaurants.

Flights to these places can be long and boring. But being an optimist can make flights more tolerable. We can just take a nap (snoring and all), watch umpteen movies, read, play games, daydream or even watch someone else drooling. Solat obligations can also be fulfilled. Just ask the crew for prayer space. Asking for extra peanuts and juices after mealtimes is not a sin. Be sure to ask a pleasant-looking crew and not the scowling tired-looking one who can just ignore us!

For those of us who are more 'mature' stretching our legs and emptying our bladders have to be done more often. Otherwise we'll suffer the consequences. Our toiletries bag should be kept in the cabin bag to freshen up lest we come out of the plane with unbrushed teeth and less than fragrant b.o.

Oh yes, at the airport we would be forwarned by security to ensure that we don't leave our bags unattended. There are unscrupulous opportunists who can insert contraband items in unzipped/unlocked parts of our bags. For guys and gals and also makciks travelling by themselves, be sure not to entertain strangers who are too friendly no matter how good-looking or naive-looking they are. It's better to be curt and brief than to fall prey to conmen/conwomen.


When we were having fun touring and shopping we may just felt the sore feet and aching hands carrying shopping bags. But the minute we land at home our whole body aches and resting in bed would be just heavenly. We wish a flurry of maids would be at our beck and call. We just need another small recovery holiday after our big holiday! So for those who are students or career people, be sure to have time to rest before the routine starts. Mothers...we rest in between doing the laundary and unpacking.

Friends, friends

Friends, friends ....



We can say friends are persons we meet, we get to know them and then like them for what they are. Sometimes we have expectations of them but most times we don't



When we meet a stranger or some one being introduced to us, we tend to size them up and form a perception of them. The saying "do not judge a book by its cover" is sometimes true. We've met those that appear fierce, negative, think highly of themselves, selfish, naive, insular, old fashioned, etc. etc. but they turned out to be the opposite when we get to know them. And became the best of friends. They were having bad days when we meet them or the way we present ourselves to them put them on their defence gears!



But we have also met those who are as they appear the first time. We hit it off in an instant and the friendship grows steadily. Or, yes we should run away from some of them lest they hurt us or make suckers out of us. The cover was an open book!



When we were very young children it was easy to make friends, just a hello and perhaps an offer of sweets or to share a slice of bread entitled us to call each other friends. No pretentions and no second-guessing. It was also easy to discard 'friends'. One day we were best friends and the next day we were no more friends. We could even tell her in the face that " I don't want to friend you"! The next day the status can change again.



As young adults, we tended to group ourselves. Friends were found in groups with common traits and likings and we stuck around in these groups. We might migrate to another group of friends. If we were not members of groups we tend to be called loners and not very friendly. When we didn't always hang out together we tend to say " oh so and so is just a friend (read: a little stronger than acquaintance ) but not really a good friend! This means we smile and chit chat but don't really reveal our inner thoughts to each other.



When we are older we would have met many more people. Most can be termed acquaintances and some dissipated. But many became friends and the friendships grow stronger. We may not meet often or hang out together all the time but our past experiences together are vivid. When we meet again much later, we can enjoy the reminiscing and the company.



Who are our friends?



We have friends who are fun to be with.



We have friends who are there when we need a good laugh.



We have friends who can just accompany us when we need to run errands.



We have friends who enjoy shopping with us.



We have friends who can sit with us and explain umpteen times things we don't understand.



We have friends who can sense our sadness or anger.



We have friends who know we need the moral or financial support.



We have friends who have broad shoulders to cry on.



We have friends who can prompt us to look at things out of the box.



We have friends who give strong motivation for us to be spiritually enriched.



We have friends who can give good advice without fear or favour.



We have friends who do not abandon us when we are in trouble.



We have friends who go out of the way to allay our fears and anxiety.

We have friends who do not pass judgement when they listen to our woes.

We have friends who when they compliment us have no ulterior motive.

We have friends who can easily forgive us voluntarily, without being asked.

We have friends who are not jealous of our success.

We have friends who are not vindicated by our failures.

We are truly lucky if all of our friends have these attributes. But we should be just as grateful if our friends have some of the attributes or only some of our friends have all of the attributes.

In the spirit of reciprocity, are we also a true friend?

life on a caption

Some thoughts and quotes extracted from various sources to look at life on a caption:

• It's more fun to arrive at a conclusion than to justify it.



• Success is how high you bounce when you hit rock bottom.



• If you wear reflective sunglasses, you have no right to get angry when people look you square in the eye and then start fixing their hair.



• We are born with our eyes closed and our mouths open, and we spend our whole lives trying to reverse that part of nature.



• The squeaky wheel may get the most oil, but it's also the first to be replaced.



• Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching.



• An election is a bet on the future, not a popularity test of the past.



• He who hides his generosity is doubly generous.



• Seen in newspaper " Anti-nudity law to get closer look"



• From a newspaper " Bakery workers want a raise, dough not the only issue"



• One never realizes how much and how little he knows, until he starts talking.



• Justice is what we get when the decision is our favour.



• Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbour's noisy party than being there.



• The best safety device yet invented is a rearview mirror with a police car in it.



• Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?



• If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

They do make sense, don't they? Hmm....

Catch 22

A Catch 22 situation is one in which no matter which way you follow, there can be an undesired outcome or result. It's like the sigh "damned if I do and damned if I don't"


We definitely have experienced this situation in our lives. Some face it more often than others. Some times they can be quite serious and at other times can be rather hilarious. Take for example our politicians' excuse when they had to indulge...Beri salah, tak beri kalah!


On a lighter note, when children throw a tantrum at the candy store adults are proned to contributing to tooth decay or starting a bad habit by giving in to their fancies. But if mum does not give , the embarassing tantrum scene catches bystanders' attention. Under their breath and their looks conclude Mum doesn't know how to bring up her child.


The boss has a lousy idea and the rests of the staff feel strongly against it. If you tell the boss his idea is terrible you risk embarassing him but if you don't, the rests don't respect you.


When our children grow up to be adults we think we should be friends to them. We try not to talk down to them ( i.e. in psychology terms, a parent to child communication) by telling them what to do. Instead we suggest, we hint, we let them do what they think is right. This is supposedly to gain their confidence and to give them confidence (adult to adult communication). But this risks losing our credibility as a parent who appears not to help out with their problems. Or, they don't get the benefit of learning from our mistakes thus saving precious time. When we talk to them like parents they have the preconceived idea that our opinions are outdated and just don't fancy being told what to do. After all they are already grown up and their friends suggestions should be more uptodate.


When a friend wants to borrow money and explained the 'urgency' for it, we just can't refuse. We worry in case they feel , "if this is the type of friend I have, who needs enemies!" But at the back of our head we wonder if we can ask for the money back or when we ask do we get the round-about response.



There can be numerous examples but suffice to say a Catch 22 situation may seem hopeless or daunting when it happens.



An optimist will advise," give it some thought and give it some time". We usually end up choosing what we think is the lesser of two evils or the less damaging solution or the less risky choice. In fact, the actual outcome may not even be bad anymore after a grace period.



Yes, a Catch 22 may not be a 'catch' after all. We just have to use our creative juice to magnify a good in an apparently bad option.

A Mother's Wish List

A Mother's Wish List :



A mother's wish list on their children can be rather long. But rarely do we see it expressed on paper. The list hibernates in the mind and what we do see or rather, hear is probably the occasional bursts of comments, critiques, advice, naggings and sometimes affirmations or compliments of what should and should not be done. That is how it normally manifests itself. Perhaps a lot of anger, disappointment or anxiety can be avoided by putting them in a list and regard them as a doa. If the doa comes through, alhamdulillah. If not, do not despair just be patient and keep on guiding and advising.

The list:

• Prayers voluntarily done without having to be reminded.



• Greetings of Salaam when entering the house or leaving



• Informing when going out and when will be returning home especially if staying out late



• Having meals at home when informed that food have been cooked



• Helping out in the kitchen either before meals or after meals



• Calling home at least once or twice a week to check on parents' condition as a caring son/daughter



• Drives carefully and updates parents along route and upon arrival at destination when travelling long distance to allay mother's anxiety



• Able to read body language of parents when they are angry, sad, happy, anxious, needing some attention or help



• Pursue religious knowledge to strengthen faith and to learn of obligations to Allah, parents, family and ummah



• Read and understand the quran and hadis because of love of faith



• Have ability and confidence to become imam when parents become jenazah



• Remembers to doa for parents when alive or gone, for Allah's forgiveness after each solat



• Be successful in their education, careers and hobbies



• A tertiary qualification to lay the foundation is definitely in a mother's wish



• Having excellent living skills to manage day to day responsibilities and future



• Nuture own leadership/teamspirit qualities for household and career



• Endeavours to look after health and be sincere to leave whatever is not healthy eg. smoking or overeating because a mother's heart breaks into a thousand pieces when seeing her sick son/daughter



• Have a happy marriage and able to provide sufficiently for own family



• Bring up children to have excellent Islamic and secular knowledge



• Have means to perform hajj when still young



• Not too thrifty when spending for parents and family



• Marry a person who has iman, good akhlak, from good family and have pleasant looks



• Have a spouse who does not publicly belittle or privately gossip about son/daughter and vice versa



• Takes interest in maintaining contact with relatives of parents



• Informs spouse likes and dislikes of parents



• Remembers to touch base with siblings all the time



• Remembers to give zakat and sedekah



• Always be patient when speaking to parents , not even an "aah" (as prescribed in the quran)



• Able to joke and laugh with parents with ease knowing limitations and sensitivities



• Listen to advice from parents with patience, without feeling intimidated or defensive



• Have friends who are sincere and loyal and helps in character-building



• Able to have the courage to abandon 'friends' who are not sincere and a bad influence



• Not shy or scared to have a heart-to-heart communication with parents



• Take care of parents when they are not able to on their own



• Take equal responsibility to look after parents in their old age



• Able to manage estate according to syariah and law
  

It is an open-ended list. This mother tends to get carried away and probably have more thoughts hibernating inside. But the intention of the list is always, always the desire, as custodians,to bring up children who are loved and blessed in this world and the next.

Patience....Sabaar

Patience...Sabaar.




This is a word which is often used in our lives. But do we really know the meaning and can we profess to practise it or ... is it just a better substitute for the words procrastination, ambivalence, sympathy, cowardice, consolation...







We are told to be patient when a calamity or something we do not like befalls us. That is, we should not do anything foolish, do not cry our eyes out, do not say something we will regret, do not be angry at anything and everything, be measured and not rush into our next course of action, do not give up hope, do not regret etc...etc







BE PATIENT!







Submit to Allah. Everything that happens has a reason behind it. It happens, whether good or bad only if Allah wills it. Once it has happened we cannot reverse it. We look ahead. How do we make the next best action. How do we learn from this. How do we help us or others avoid it happening again. Easy to say, hard to do! But as the saying goes ... practice can make perfect.







But being Patient is not only containing our feelings without complaining when something bad befalls us. Patience is also the endeavour to do good things no matter what challenges are ahead of us. Yes, it is sometimes not easy to do good things although the intention is very strong. That is also a test of our patience. Giving up can be much easier.







Patience is also that internal strength to refrain from doing unsavoury or harmful things to yourself or others. It is a test of our patience when we do not give in to temptations.

But the meaning of patience is only known to us. It's in the heart. Not pretending. Otherwise, patience can only be a front or a pretense when procrastinating; not daring to take on the fight for truth but just overwhelmed by cowardice or ambivalence; not being creative enough to help someone in need but merely asking him to be patient. Only we know whether our patience is sincere and genuine.

Indeed, substantial rewards await those who overcome trials on their patience, insyaaAllah.

Small house, big house

Today I visited a kampung in Gombak where a group of young boys and girls live , memorise and study the quran and other religious books as well as learn english, mathematics and living skills. It's a simple double storey main dormitory with pebbled front compound and bushes and fruit trees at the side.


The tranquility of the village and the early morning air gave a calming effect to those of us who had just used the MRR2 and braved city roads to reach the place. The houses around the area are not the typical wooden ones we see in water-colour paintings or when we drive along the Trengganu coastal roads. These houses are half-brick and half wooden and are definitely grounded. They are also not really picturesque. But the occupants make do with what they have and are probably not unhappy with their simple abodes. Who knows?


The sekolah tahfiz is managed by the principal and his wife with 2 or 3 other teachers. The ustadz who is in his 30's has 5 beautiful children. Oldest being 10 and youngest 47 days young! They live in the same building on the ground floor. The children were active and happy. The wife looked happy and chirpy although recovering from chikungya (is this right?). And of course, the husband was calm and watchful, prompting tactful advice although very patient with everyone. Practising what he preached in his classes!


Unfortunately for us the students were on holiday and had either gone home or were with foster parents. So we didn't get to meet them. Most of them are non-paying since they are either orphans or from very poor families.


There are many such orphans or poor students studying the quran around Malaysia. Many don't have state funding and survived on charities/sponsorships or on the hard work of the founding principal / owner of the school.


It's so heartening to see the sheer commitment and optimism of this principal and the wife to impart knowledge especially that which has been inscribed in the quran and by the hadith to the young minds. It did not appear to be a sacrifice at all but rather a passion and goal for this life and an investment for thereafter. We doa that they are successful in their endeavour and that the children will also be model ummah.


Recalling those simple houses, I wonder if the occupants of many of the big, enormous houses we see around the Klang Valley are just as enriched or has a purpose in their lives? Are they happy, are they contented, are their lives fulfilling? The process of building a bungalow with beautiful landscape must be interesting and stimulating and gives a sense of achievement when it's completed. Then what? Sit around in the house and gape at all the beautiful walls, corners and deco feeling fulfilled from overcoming all the challenges and the right choices? Then what? Start another renovation process to stimulate another challenge?

ozone-machine

Just after I started this blog, the door bell rang and an acquaintance or rather my hubby's friend's wife came avisiting. She brought along the Okamizu ozone-maker machine. I've seen the effect before ... nasty smell from my son's futsal shoes disappeared! Hubby brought it home some time back but I have not been formerly introduced to it before. Last night my son tried to use it again to air out his Ipin mascot costume but caused the electricity to trip. So she's coming to replace it.



You know, the whole hype by MLM practisioners who know their products' functions inside out! So today I was due for enlightenment. This machine produces ozone ie O3. It's suppose to freshen up fruits, veges, chickens, meat, fish, FACES and the air. It can also detox the chicken and your body! A sporty young man's rroom won't smell musky anymore. It will smell of wind blowing at the beach or grass after rainfall. Wow.. wee.



MLM practisioners frighten me. They normally make me speechless. Not that they are not telling the truth(not sure about whole truth!) but if I become a sucker for it, my hubby would have a smirk on his face and thinks that I've wasted money on the MLM's saliva. This has happened before. But this time it's different... firstly my hubby bought it and secondly my son can testify that his nose need not crinkle at his well-worn sports shoes or his mascot costume. The smells all gone. As for me , time will tell. If my health gets better and botox is envious... InsyaAllah. Then you should take the cue. !

my first time pecking!

OMG, I have finally started my own blog! Something I wanted to do since I resigned and became a real homemaker. Alhamdulillah. It has been already 6 years though. tsk,tsk, tsk. The plan was to write on topics of interest for career women who had decided to stay home and enjoy a new way of life or smell the roses...after all those years of braving the jams and race in the bank and leaving the children with the maid and rushing out most of the time without breakfasts!

A lot has happened since then.

The original plan of staying home for 1 year became 2 years and ... and....the temptation of doing things I enjoy minus the stress of many bosses and many headaches in the office made it hard to peel away from the house and brave the jams again. Who's complaining? Not me for sure. Maybe the hubby ( the extra income helped a lot), the children..( the presents from travelling overseas on official duty and the easy flow of pocket money).

Since anchoring at home, had a fantastic family driving holiday in New Zealand;valuable opportunity looking after beloved mum; baking lessons and baked, baked, baked; start of spiritual/religious enlightenment classes; experienced the sad passing away of beloved mum; life without a maid(after all those years of perpetual help of maids); Shafiq got married and welcome new daughter-in-law Aina.

Well, more to come. InsyaAllah