My Mom

May 10 is the official Mother's Day. The day is almost over in a couple of hours. But how can a mother be celebrated on 1 day only. Mother's Day is every day. Since we are at it, Father's Day should also be every day. I suppose choosing a particular day just prompts everyone to focus on this day which makes it easier for short-memoried children to remember their moms! And of course during these difficult economic times it'll prompt sons and daughters to help stimulate the economy by buying flowers, chocs or text messages to their moms.



Although I remember my mother and father every day, at least five times a day when I decided to commit myself to the do'a for my parents in my daily prayers, I, like many short-memoried children do not always reminisce the time and sacrifice my mother had to go through to look after us.



Being the youngest, my mother seemed elderly when I was growing up. After all my mother had me when she was about forty. Those days at age forty was definitely not like the 'aunties'/'kakaks' in their forties now. Being number eleven, that means my mother had to go through contractions, delivery at home and confinement for the 11th time. It must have been painful, tiring, risky and burdensome to her. But did she say so or was it manifested in her actions? Definitely not . In fact, my mother was more lenient and more accommodating to me. I can only remember once or twice being given the rotan. Of course that could also mean I was a good girl!



My mother was a very strong-willed person and known to be forthcoming in her opinions in her family. She could only read jawi but always seemed worldly. Many in the kampung look forward to her presence at their house. Her contribution to my education was to make sure I was taken care of in terms of health, hygiene and discipline. Whilst my father sat next to me to teach and to motivate me in my studies.



What I remember most about my mother was her generosity and sense of compassion for those in need of her help. Irrespective of whether the person asking for support was family or a mentality-challenged person who came begging for food or money. She was always fast at taking out money from her purse when needed to, even if the recipient was shy to ask for it. I got used to seeing dishevelled men or women turning up at our windows for alms and to disappear again or just hanging around for a plate of rice and/or twenty cents. Of course credit is due to my father who gave adequate household allowance. My mother knew how much to spend on the household expenses, how much to save, some to help others and some to indulge in a bit of jewellery as a mami penang!



Although we always had a maid or two to help in the house my mother did most of the cooking. Some of the maids were from her kampung and given the job to help them. Once we even had the mother, daughter , mother-in-law (and her son worked at my father's office) working with us ( though not all at the same time ) We even had a slightly handicapped male helper to do light jobs around the house. The house at that time seemed big to accommodate many active people. But a visit to the government quarters much later in life really felt peony compared to then.

I was encouraged and allowed by my father to further my studies overseas at 18 years old. That was more than 33 years ago! At that time there were practically just three of us at home. My father was already not in the best of health. And they knew that when I leave it would be mostly just the both of them at home to fend for themselves. Of course my other siblings would be back from KL if help was needed and relatives were around. But education was of utmost important to both of them. Even if I was the homely type and had never even taken a flight before or gone outstation by myself they would rather see me go and discover the world.

A few years later, before I graduated my father had a stroke and one side of his body was paralysed. My mother had to uproot herself from familiar surroundings and came to live in K.L. This must have been traumatic, but mother patiently and stoically took care of her husband for more that five years before my father passed away. It must have been very lonely to live in the midst of a bustling city but not able to go out on her own. Unlike in Penang where she could just hail the trishaw and be with her sisters and friends.

My mother lived to the ripe old age of 90 when she passed away 2 years ago. I was at her bedside. I am grateful to Allah for giving me the valuable opportunity to look after her (after Allah gave my sister that gift) when she came to live with me for 4 years after I left my job and stayed at home full time. Alhamdulillah. My do'a to Allah for foregiveness if I did not take care of my mother in the best possible way as prescribed by Him. And my do'a to Allah to permit my mother to forgive me for whatever wrongdoings to her by the Day of Judgement. Ameen Rabbul 'lamin.